All Your Base Are Belong To Us — The Kip Lange Homepage

Ah, the Internet. Home to so many deranged whackos and people who can’t spell anything except “lol” correctly.

I made a mistake, man oh man, did I make a mistake. I was posting for a while on a very obscure board discussing…well, I can’t tell you what, because the troll I’m seeking peace from might pop up on here and spam me with endless comments.

Let’s just say the board was about widgets. And that I like widgets, and another fellow came along who didn’t like widgets. The trolling began. The troll posted inflammatory messages about anybody who liked widgets that made no sense, with grammar so bad they actually singed my eyebrows.

I posted a warning message about the troll, just so other people wouldn’t get drawn into fights with him. Next thing I know, I no longer really feel like posting at the board, because four people (who are probably all fifteen years old) bashed the ever-loving shit out of me.

Perhaps my favorite rant against me was that I had expressed support for the second amendment in a particular post, and how stupid was I to not think that people from all over the world were watching this tiny board? How dare I mention something from the evil American Constitution? The poster then went on to tell me I didn’t respect the first amendment, which, of course, he had already made moot by saying we can’t talk about amendments because we’re in a global village and…

Oh man. I just had to get it off my chest. There were three or four other legit posters on that board out of a grand total of maybe nine, and they were interesting folk, but I just can’t deal with threads that are interrupted by people who spell “courageous” as “courages”. Hehehe.

Anyway…I should know the hell to stay away from most boards…I have been online for a few decades now.

I got made out to be a chump, though, and it wasn’t pretty, and any post I make on there will just be fuel to pillory me.

Nah, this guy wasn’t trolling.

😉

First, in random news, I have reconnected the alternate Kip Lange (I wonder if he has a goatee) with his friends in Germany, so I feel good about that.

Now onto more important stuff. NS and I have registered two leagues at NFL.com and joined a third league, which is actually quite hard to do, considering there is the most unbelievable amount of niche-ness to these leagues (“This league only for firefighters missing a testicle!”).

Anyway, it’s done. We have live drafts on the 27th, the 5th, and the 6th. Hopefully I won’t have to pee incredibly bad during them like I did last year.

Now, I could reveal my ultra-secret draft plans, but then they damn well wouldn’t be ultra-secret, would they?

Anyway, I’m just looking to make it — not win, necessarily — to the championship game in one league, like I did last year (and then got vigorously spanked by my opponent).

First game of the season is on the 7th. And the Lord said, let the faggy soccer people go away, and let there be football, and let the Raiders fans be rowdy, and let us forget about the Denver-Patriots playoff game from last year and yea, it was good.

I recently received a comment that I’m not posting because it contains the sender’s email. They’re looking for a different Kip Lange than me. If you are the other Kip Lange (scary, there’s more than one of us), then I received this message for you:

Hi Kip,

If you are the Kip Lange who stayed in Cologne at family Nehl about ten years ago, please let us know via e-mail so that we can send an e-mail to you.

So, if you’re the other Kip Lange the email mentions, post a reply and I’ll give you their email address in a safe, non-spiderable form, so you and they won’t get spam from it. In fact, since I moderat all comments, you can leave your email address in a reply to this post, as the above people did for another post, and it will not get published, I swear to you, and I’ll mail you with the address of these friendly folks who are looking for you.

By the way, Lord knows I wished I had stayed at Cologne at some point in my life.

I thought it would never happen. I thought we’d actually have to spend time paying even an iota of attention on Landis and the Tour de France, or, worse, on soccer, which is simply, absolutely, the bottom rung of the entire sports ladder. What the hell, with soccer? I tried watching a game. At least in hockey, there are a lot of shots on goal, for Christ’s sake! This was just dribbling back and forth across the center line for like five hours and then someone FINALLY shoots but…never mind, I don’t have to entertain the nightmare that the unenlightened rest of the world creams over.

Because football is back. Oh, following the training camps has been fun, but tonight…oh yes, tonight there was a game. Okay, so it’s a pre-season game and the starters were in for approximately fifteen seconds. But it’s still a game! I’m almost ready to jump into the fantasy season, too. Been holding off on doing that with NS because we want to make sure we don’t get a Javon Walker situation on our hands.

So, Euro-fag soccer-watching, Umbro-wearing jackasses — thppppthhh. Football is back and football is possibly the most important thing on the planet.

Now I can spend the next week worrying over Tedy Bruschi’s wrist.

Okay. Here’s something that’s kept my PS2 running for years.

NOTE: IF YOU TAKE THE FOLLOWING STEPS TO CLEAN THE PS2 LASER, YOU WILL VOID THE WARRANTY

Read the above carefully. Sometimes you can take the PS2 into the place you bought it and they’ll clean the laser for you. Or if you have a replacement warranty that’s still good, take the PS2 into the store and get a new one.

Now: 99% of the time the PS2 stops reading discs, it’s because of a dirty laser. In Sony’s world, there is no such thing as dust. This also happens much faster if you’re a smoker.

So here’s what to do, as long as you don’t care about voiding the warranty:

Unplug everything from the PS2 and make sure the CD tray is closed. Place it upside down on a work surface. Get a relatively small screwdriver. Now, pop off the little rubber feet — there are more screws under those. Unscrew all the screws from the bottom of the PS2 and turn it over carefully. You should be able to ease the top off. Be careful, because some of the cords are usually taped to the top (it’s not the end of the world if the tape slips, try getting it back on there, but I left the tape off mine and it still works fine).

Looking down on the PS2, you’ll now see the DVD/CD drive. It has a little white plastic disc in the middle of it. Frankly, it’s just plain hard to miss. There are six or seven little screws on that thing. Take them off. This shouldn’t be too hard. Make sure you keep track of where all the screws are that you’ve removed.

Lift the top of the DVD/CD drive off carefully. It takes a little work but don’t force it. Once you’ve done that, you’re almost there. The next thing you need is a Q-tip and some rubbing alcohol.

You should now be able to easily see the laser. Don’t touch it with anything yet. Get that Q-tip. Soak the head of it in the rubbing alcohol (do NOT use anything else, do NOT use lighter fluid, etc.) and take the Q-tip and carefully swab the laser. It’s okay to press down a little bit, but not much. Do two or three passes with fresh Q-tips. If you’re lucky, you’ll see the dirt on the used Q-tips and you’ll know your laser was dirty.

After this, it’s simple. Put the drive cover back on and screw it back in place. Put the main cover on, and screw it back in place. Reattach everything. Plug the PS2 back in…and it should run like new for another six months, until you have to do it all over again.

This really has saved my ass a number of times, but, again, it voids the PS2 warranty so only do it if you don’t care about the warranty and you feel comfortable taking it apart.

Good luck!

Okay. I am sick and tired of reading in the newspapers that the “empowered bloggers” are actually helping to shift the political paradigm.

What a load of shit.

The closest that political bloggers came to having any influence on politics, so far, was the hideously failed bid of Howard Dean to become president. Oh, wow. That’s amazing. And all Dean did was use the bloggers for support — it’s not like they got him to where he was.

But the media still seems to be permanently masturbating over the idea of a populist blogger movement. It ain’t gonna happen. 99% of political bloggers simply bash the other side over and over again without any real agenda. Hell, I used to do that, with some legitimacy, back when I was Journal X’s resident “Rock and Roll Conservative”. Wired even wrote me up in a sentence or something. But it’s just spouting nonsense, on both sides.

The point is, nobody really reads the political blogs. They read blogs that are funny, they read blogs of big projects, and they read blogs that give them useful information. So, most of my blog is just devoted to navel-contemplating and sometimes to giving out information I think is useful — like how to remove a piece of spyware or something.

Frankly, I can’t stand most blogs. The only reason I write one myself is because it’s sooo much frigging easier than actually building a site, even if I use Dreamweaver. And I used to build and critique sites for a living. The majority of blogs out there are not just boring, like mine is, but actively annoying. Sixteen year olds vomiting great chunks of angst onto their keyboards, is what a lot of the blogosphere is. And just age those 16 year olds a bit and turn them into wannabe political pundits and it’s the same damn thing — vomiting political angst onto their keyboards, this time.

There are blogs that are useful, there are blogs that are entertaining. All I’m saying is that the great and glorious “Blog Movement” that the media thinks exists is just a bunch of smoke they blow up their own asses because they want to believe the entire computer world is dominated by animated liberals.

Give me a break. Blogs are useful for some things, as I’ve said. Ultimately they’re useful to the blogger him or herself as a venue for writing or providing information. But blogs are not harbingers of glorious revolution. Saying that over and over on TV should be a crime punishable by flogging.

Yes, you saw the title right. I’m just throwing this out there because I’ve been having to give my cat an antibiotic for a bit (he got in a tussle with something that bit him in the shoulder and gave him an abcess) and it’s a real bitch to do this if you don’t know how.

First, forget “Pill Pockets”, if your vet recommends them. They’re cat treats with pockets to put the pill in. Like your cat is going to fall for that, right? It worked twice with my cat and that was it (even when I coated them with fresh catnip). Sucker knew the pill was there and didn’t want it.

So here’s what you do. Get the pill ready between the thumb and forefinger of whichever hand you’re going to use to toss the pill down him. Then, get the damned cat. Be stealthy. They know what’s coming. Take the cat to a step, if you can find one (it makes it easier for you). Now, put the cat over one leg like you would a child you were going to spank, and hold it sort of like a running back with a football. Put your (for me) left hand gently under his throat towards the front and get him to tilt his head back. He’ll slide backwards. Don’t worry. Just keep holding him like a football so he can’t get away. Now’s the tricky part. Get your right hand (I’m guessing this is where you have the pill) and use your available fingers to grab at his jaw where it hinges, gently. Keep pressing there and so on and eventually the cat (I said eventually) will open his mouth. Chuck the pill down there right away and try to clamp his mouth shut. Watch to see if he swallows. No swallow, and he’s going to be spitting that pill out. Even if the little bastard DOES swallow, wait for him to swallow again, you can rub his throat if you want, and then FOLLOW the damn cat because sometimes they keep it under their tongues and don’t swallow it.

Still takes me a couple of tries.

A while ago, I posted some vague instructions on how to get rid of the awful malware “Trojan.Downloader.Small.CML”. In it, I suggested using Spyware Doctor because I thought it gave you a free month. It doesn’t. What it does do is so horrible and annoying I’m going to break protocol. What it does is show you all the malware your computer is infected with and then give you an option to buy Spyware Doctor. Fuck them. That’s seriously kicking a computer user when he’s down and trying to extort money from them.

Because of this, I’m going to do something I shouldn’t do. But it will help save you from that piece of malware and some others. I’m going to give you a license key that the people at Spyware Doctor know about. In other words, you can use this key once, for one version of Spyware Doctor. If you try to update your malware definitions, it will invalidate your key. If you try to update anything, it will invalidate your key. Therefore I suggest you use this key once and only once if you’re in a tight squeeze and you have no malware protection.

So, here’s the key for Spyware Doctor 3.8. I am never giving out a key again, so please don’t yell at me and tell me I’m a horrible pirate. People desperately need a way to fix malware issues sometimes, and I’m going to give it to them. Remember, this key is no good for the long-term, and that’s why I’m giving it out. You’re either going to have to buy it or find a good crack or key (and in searching for that you’ll surely pick up malware, ironically).

Here it is. Thank me or curse me later.

Username: teow wak lee
Serial Number: AF17-D6AF-125F-D10C-989A-2751-F13A-F976-34EF-FF02

Now, go back and follow my vague instructions. They should work. And kudos to Ewido for actually giving you fourteen free days, by the way.

Since I posted about WinMX a while back, I ought to explain what it is. It is a large peer-to-peer file-sharing program. In September of 2005 it was served with a cease & desist order, backed by the RIAA. Fuckers. Anyway, the WinMX community fought back and managed to restore the system to a functioning (and large-based) status within a short amount of time. Instead of looking to WinMX’s website for a server to hook into, it now looks at an altered Windows hosts file to see where it should connect.

Anyway, should you wish to get the P.I.E. patch, which restores WinMX functionality, along with the original program itself, go over to MXPie.com. It’s all available there.

Ah, my bad. Remember me bitching slightly that Firefox came with a slightly annoying BBC-news “Latest Headlines” link? It’s actually a demonstration of something really keen which Firefox has integrated, namely, it can handle RSS feeds. Also know as “newsreader” feeds. In other words, you don’t need a newsreader (for most of these feeds). Example — go to CNN with Firefox. You’ll see an orange icon in the top right of the Address bar. Right click it or drag it onto your toolbar and shazzam, you’ve got a “Live Bookmark” — essentially an RSS/atom (newsread feed formats) menu. It’s really fun. You can even do it with my blog — look in the right hand corner right now. The icon should be there, because Blogger maintains an atom version of my blog automatically.

Kinda cool. Somewhat useless, I suppose, but still — kinda cool.