The “3 Holes” Joke

Posted on January 6, 2012 by Kip

Ah, time for dirty jokes again. This one comes courtesy of hearing the punchline in a RiffTrax short…

A guy’s car breaks down in the middle of town, and he looks for a hotel to stay in while he waits for his car to be fixed. He finds a very small hotel and walks in.

He asks the man at the counter, “Do you have any rooms available?”

The man at the counter says, “Yeah, but don’t stick your dick in the 3 holes.”

“OK.” The guy agrees and walks to his room.

A couple of days go by and his car is still in the shop. He gets curious and sticks his dick in the first hole.

He says, “Ahh,that feels good!” Then he sticks his dick in the second hole, “Ahh,that feels even better!” Then he sticks his dick in the third hole, “OUCH!!My dick!!”

He quickly pulled his dick out and it was all bloody. He was very confused, but he went to sleep.

The next day he went to the counter to see what was in the holes, but before he could ask anything the man at the counter said, “You stuck your dick in the three holes didn’t you?”

He said, “Yeah, how did you know?

“The man at the counter said, “Well, my wife is pregnant, my daughter is pregnant, and my pencil sharpener is broken.”

(The punchline I heard was: “A pencil sharpener in the third hole, ha!”)

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Castro’s Death Probably E-mail Virus Hoax…

Posted on January 2, 2012 by Kip

There are currently rumblings on Twitter that Fidel Castro has died — go to http://hashtags.org/castro to see them — however it is also believed this may be a hoax to spread a virus via email. So if you get an email saying Castro has died with a link, or, worse yet, an attachment, I would STRONGLY advise you NOT TO CLICK ON IT. I will follow this and post if Castro has actually died. If you see no post from me, assume it is simply a virus. This happened a few months ago, the exact same scenario…

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Quick Roundup of last November’s game deluge

Posted on January 1, 2012 by Kip

Okay, guys, I kinda let the blog languish for awhile and never got around to reviewing any of the awesome games that came raining down on us around November. So I’m going to quickly rank the ones I’ve played, in order of how much I like them (the ratings I give them may not correspond to this; a game I rate higher may be farther down my list simply because I like a different genre more, or something like that).

1. Uncharted 3 (9.75)
2. Skyrim (9.5)
3. Batman: Arkham City (9.5)
4. Assassin’s Creed: Revelations (9.25)
5. Saint’s Row: The Third (8.75)
6. Battlefield 3 (9.75)
7. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 (9.0)

One caveat: The two military FPSers are at the end of the list because military FPSers are not my favorite games. However, if you’re a big fan of them, these two games should be at the TOP of the list for you.

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Cleaning your e-cig atomizer (Joye 510, 510-T, eGo, and eGo-T)

Posted on December 28, 2011 by Kip

Recently I’ve been going through old atomizers, trying to clean them so they work again. The first thing I tried was what the manufacturer recommends: holding it under extremely hot water for a good while, then leaving it out to dry for 24 hours +.

This resulted in a few atomizers that died on me, and the results were, while pretty good, not tremendous. But then I stumbled upon another method for cleaning them that seems to work much better.

Two words: rubbing alcohol. Isopropyl alcohol, to be precise. Take a small glass, or dish (if it’s deep enough to hold your atomizer), and pour the rubbing alcohol in there. Take your atomizer, and put it in the rubbing alcohol. Let it soak for a minute or so. Then take the atomizer and start agitating it; pick it up, turn it over, let the alcohol run through it from both ends. Do this for about ten minutes or so. When you’re done, blow through the atomizer from the battery end onto a wet paper towel (the glass you used to clean the atomizer should now look like it’s got smoke juice in it — it looks a little bit like whiskey, but for the love of God, don’t drink it — unless you’re Kitty Dukakis or something). **NOTA BENE** As I just indicated, isopropyl alcohol is *poisonous* in high enough amounts. A good alternative (see comments) is Everclear, if you can get it, which is 100% *ethanol* alcohol, and thus a safer route.

Put the atomizer near an airflow (I use the vents on my air conditioner) of some sort. Let it dry for about an hour (if you can wait 24 hours, I would suggest that; you MUST MAKE SURE, if you’re using isopropyl alcohol, that the atomizer is FULLY DRY before using it, as isopropyl alcohol can be poisonous). Now, fill a fresh cartridge with juice, all that, put the e-cig back together. Now, tilt the ecig down, so the juice is running into the atomizer (because you’re going to get a couple of dry hits and the atomizer might burn out on you if you do this — it might burn out on you anyway, I can’t guarantee anything). Start puffing a little bit, not too hard, just enough so that the juice is absorbed by the wick. Eventually you can move on to full puffs. This seems to work pretty well for me.

Happy vaping!

Posted in tips and tricks, vaping | 3 Comments

XBox 360 Controller Emulator — Executable, Customizable

Posted on December 28, 2011 by Kip

In response to a recent comment I received, I’m uploading the latest version of the XBox 360 controller emulator for you guys. Note that this is an executable file, not just the DLL and the .ini file I gave you before. You use this executable to customize your controller and it generates the DLL and the .ini file, which you then put in the folder where the executable for your game is.

Get the new executable here: https://kiplange.com/x360ce.exe

Also, as an aside — I’m currently using the D3 tool (Dualshock 3 Tool) from MotioninJoy, that allows you to use your PlayStation 3 Dualshock 3 controller as a wireless XBox 360 controller — provided you have a bluetooth adapter/dongle. There are two downsides to it — it’s a bitch to get working, first, and, second, to use the bluetooth capability, you have to load a special driver for your adapter that precludes use of any other bluetooth device. So if you’re using a lot of bluetooth devices, it’s not worth it — although you can still use it wired, with a USB cord. Google “d3 tool” or “motioninjoy” to find out what I’m talking about — perhaps I’ll put a direct link up when I get time, but I don’t have it right now. Anyway, I’m getting off course — the point I wanted to make is that if you use the D3 tool, DO NOT use the 360 controller emulator! Your Dualshock 3 will work just like a 360 controller, and using the controller emulator files will just screw up the buttons bigtime.

Happy gaming!

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iPhone 4S Jailbreak SCAM ALERT

Posted on December 22, 2011 by Kip

To all of you out there looking to jailbreak your new iPhone 4S (or your iPad 2 running 5.0 or 5.0.1), I want to make sure you know that, as of right now, there is NO jailbreak for the iPhone 4S. There *is*, I believe, a semi-tethered jailbreak for the old 4 and earlier, and a jailbreak of earlier OSes for the iPad 2 (the problem they’re having is with the new A5 chip that’s in both the iPhone 4S and iPad 2). But nothing for the 4S and no 5.0+ jailbreak for the iPad 2.

However, there are some sites on the Internet that will pop up if you google “jailbreak 4S” and promise to jailbreak your phone — for a fee. KNOW THAT ALL THESE SITES ARE SCAMS. They take your money and run. The real jailbreak, when released, will be free to all. DO NOT PAY GOOD MONEY TO SOME JERK PRETENDING HE CAN JAILBREAK YOUR 4S OR IPAD 2 FOR YOU! Because he can’t.

For the latest information on all things jailbreak, visit:

http://www.limera1n.cc/

It looks like a 4S and iPad 2 iOS 5 jailbreak are not TOO far off in the future, so keep your fingers crossed. And here’s a bit of free advice: Whatever you’ve updated to, be it 5.0 or 5.0.1 (my new iPhone 4S shipped with 5.0.1, I would have preferred 5.0, but there’s nothing I can do about it) — DO NOT UPDATE FURTHER IF YOU WANT TO JAILBREAK YOUR IDEVICE. The new jailbreak will most likely be for iOS 5 and *possibly* iOS 5.0.1, but beyond that, they won’t have jailbreaks for newer iOSes for quite a bit of time. So just leave your iDevice with whatever version of iOS you currently have, do NOT update, and you will be jailbreaking pretty soon — with a little luck.

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R.I.P. Steve Jobs

Posted on October 5, 2011 by Kip

In 1984, my parents were in an electronics store looking to buy me an electronic typewriter for Christmas when I was in the fourth grade. They picked the typewriter out, it had simple word processing. While waiting in line, my mother, a technical writer, went to look at a brand new Mac 128k. She came back to my father and said, “Put the typewriter down. We’re getting this.” And thus began my love affair with Apple.

I stayed with Macs until 1996, when I finally traded in my (overclocked) Mac LC III for a Dell setup. I wanted to be able to play more games, and the games all seemed to be out for Microsoft systems. I never felt fully comfortable using a PC. I’m using one right now, and I still don’t feel comfortable with it. But I know the setup better than I know a Mac setup now, and the parts are cheaper. But I recently bought a MacBook Pro, and immediately fell back in love with Macs. I use it all the time now. And the gaming field has been a leveled a bit; more games are available for Macs now. I used it every morning to surf the web — until I gave in and bought an iPad 2. For the longest time, I thought, you know, I have no use for an iPad. I have the MacBook; that’s plenty. I have an iPhone (I bought the first iPhone when it was released, and have bought every once since then, and if God is willing and AT&T waives the $250 “premium” fee, I will be ordering one on Friday — if they don’t, I’ll be ordering one on November 19th — an iPhone 4S, that is…I specifically wanted this one because I thought it might be the last iDevice Jobs had direct input into…). But then the iPad came, I opened up the box, fiddled with it for 5 minutes, and instantly fell in love. Now I use my iPad for virtually everything, although I do write on the MacBook, and my PC is still my main computer for gaming, or for work (especially HTML or graphic design work). If I could afford one, though, I’d buy a top-line Mac desktop without blinking.

My only regret is that Jobs didn’t enter the gaming field and release something to kick the Xbox 360’s sorry ass. I have a PS3 and love it, but imagine what Jobs would have created. What’s that? You can’t imagine what he would have created? That’s the point! He would have released something so funky, so out there, so…Jobs…that it would have changed the entire console gaming industry forever.

So there’s the story of how Steve Jobs changed my life. Thank you, Steve, thank you. And when you get up to Heaven, I have a feeling God is going to want an iPad.

Godspeed, Steve Jobs, Godspeed. You were taken too soon. You were the Thomas Edison of our time. I am honored to have lived in the era that saw your greatness realized.

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Problems with Eudora 7.1.0.9 fonts or fonts in Explorer, Chrome, Firefox, possible fix

Posted on August 21, 2011 by Kip

This was driving me nuts. I’m an old-school Eudora user — version 7.1.0.9, you can keep your fancy new open-source Eudora; I love the one I have.

After a recent Windows update, all the fonts in Eudora suddenly looked bold…or bigger…something was wrong. And it was annoying the hell out of me. I couldn’t seem to fix it by changing or resetting fonts, no matter how hard I tried.

However, after a little bit of searching on the Internet, I came across a fix for it that worked, and returned fonts back to normal. It was also mentioned that this can be used to return fonts in web browsers back to normal after a Windows update gives you the same problem (I am running Windows 7 64-bit).

It’s pretty simply. Go to the display control panel. Set the resolution to something different than you already have it. Keep the changes. Go back, switch it back to the resolution you want to run at, keep changes again.

This fixed it for me. Good luck!

Posted in computers, tips and tricks | 3 Comments

Crossfire tab missing/how to enable Crossfire on a Dell XPS 630i or equivalent with two ATI Radeon Cards

Posted on August 19, 2011 by Kip

This problem almost drove me insane. I’ve spent weeks wrestling with it. Finally gave up and got an nVidia Card. But before I installed the nVidia card, I tried one last thing, and it WORKED to enable Crossfire! I can’t find this solution anywhere else on the Internet, but I can find a lot of people searching for it. This also applies if you’re getting artificating and crashes and BSODs with Crossfire enabled.

Here’s my fix.  I cannot guarantee it will work for you, but I hope it does.

(Before step 2, where you will opening up the computer, take standard precautions — shut down the PC completely, and remove the plug from the electrical socket to the back of the computer’s power supply, to make sure it isn’t getting *any* power at all)

1. In My Computer, choose “Uninstall or change a program”. Select ATI Installer. Express remove all AMD components/software. Shut down.

2. Open up the computer. Locate both video cards. The primary video card will have two power supply cables (six pin) running out of black ports on the back.

3. Locate the *linked* adapter/video card. In my setup, this one was on top. This one will, most likely, NOT have power supply cables running out the back of it — that’s the problem.

4. There should be two free power supply cables — they will be somewhat connected with the two power supply cables running to the linked adapter. Again, they are six-pin.

5. Plug the two power supply cables to the *linked* adapter/video card.

6. Close everything up.

7. Reboot normally. Once rebooted, use your browser of choice to navigate to the ATI website. Choose “previous drivers”. Select the 10.7 drivers and install them.

8. After 10.7 drivers are installed, reboot again (normally). Open up the Catalyst Control Panel; make sure you see the Crossfire option under the menu.

9. Go to the ATI website again and download the very latest drivers (currently 11.8) and the latest Catalyst Application Profiles (currently 11.7 CAP3).

10. *Without* uninstalling the 10.7 drivers, install the 11.8 drivers and the 11.7 CAP3s.

11. Reboot (normally). Go to the Catalyst Control Panel. Confirm that Crossfire is still there. Go to Crossfire Configuration under Gaming, or Performance. Make sure Crossfire is enabled. If not, check it, and hit apply. It may automatically uncheck the box no matter how many times you try. Don’t worry.

12. Reboot again (last time, hopefully). Go into the Catalyst Control Panel. Make sure Crossfire is enabled (it should be).

13. Pick a game, preferably one that you KNOW goes over 30 frames per second. Fire up Fraps, a freeware framerate-monitoring program, or the equivalent, if you don’t want to use Fraps.

14. Launch the game. Enjoy the increased Crossfire performance.

15. Revel in the fact that you have just pwned Crossfire. 🙂

**Warning — the cards get VERY hot. I did not run this for an extended period of time; instead I switched my ATIs out and put in a top-line nVidia, as I am going to buy another one as soon as I can and SLI-link it to future-proof myself somewhat**

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Running The Witcher 2: Assassin of Kings on a CrossFire motherboard

Posted on July 21, 2011 by Kip

A lot of people with ATI cards on CrossFire mobos are having problems running The Witcher 2. Here is how I managed to get it running at a pretty good, steady framerate (around 50-60 fps), while still using most of the “Ultra” settings in the configuration tool. Here’s what you want to do.

1. Patch the game to version 1.1 (we need to get to 1.2 but you can’t update straight to 1.2; you need 1.1 first)

2. Patch the game to version 1.2 (as mentioned above).

3. Download the latest drivers — 11.6 — follow this link:

http://sites.amd.com/us/game/downloads/Pages/radeon_win7-64.aspx

4. Download the 11.6 CAP2 file (CAP is Catalyst Application Profiles) using the same link I just posted for step 3.

5. Go into the /bin folder of The Witcher 2, run the configuration tool, set the graphics level to Ultra. Keep the config tool running for step…

6. In the configuration tool, go into “Advanced Settings” and disable ubersampling.

7. Play the game. It should work just fine.

8. ???

9. Profit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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