All Your Base Are Belong To Us — The Kip Lange Homepage

An anonymous reader recently mailed my the following comment: What’s up with your lack of updates?

I apologize. First, though, I have to say, it’s flattering to know that somebody actually reads my incessant ramblings, much less is concerned that I haven’t written anything new in a while.

Okay. It’s been a busy time for me, which is unusual. I’ll try to sum up. First, there was my friend Nigam’s wedding, which necessitated such unusual outings like a trip to go buy a suit which I’m probably never going to wear again.

Also, I’ve sort of been in feverish contact with a friend in Australia over a topic that you need not worry about — so a lot of writing is being chewed up by that. Long emails, etc. Along with this, I came down with a two-week cold a little while ago, as well as having a wisdom tooth develop an abscess and have to be removed (by the way, for those of you who hate dentists — and I’m at the top of that list — getting a tooth pulled is really nothing, as long as they pump you up full of enough novocaine — although, here’s a hint, try never to look at the damn novocaine needle).

There’s been other stuff going on but it’s all sort of minor stuff, but it has conspired to keep me from attending to my blog. So I’m sorry about that. Believe me, my webalizer has shown me the dearth in traffic since I stopped posting regularly (and usually I have a lot of fun watching that thing go up, not down).

So…I’ll try to get back into the rhythm of posting here. Let me address a few things quickly…

– Nigam’s wedding (the Indian ceremony), went off without a hitch, including the Raas–Grba the night before (after which I received many slaps on the back from Indians for being the only outsider there to make it all the way through the simulated stick/sword-dance). It was a lot of fun. Unfortunately, the photos I took with my iPhone are gone — they disappeared when I tried to update to the 1.1.1 firmware and my iPhone crashed and needed a full restore. I’ve had no luck trying to get in touch with the Maid of Honor to see if she has pictures, and Nigam is still on his honeymoon.

– Oh, my God, is it a great thing to be a New England sports fan right now.

– I found a good online place to buy chocolate-covered espresso beans (they ARE good, if you’ve never had them, and yeah, they do jazz you up nicely) — http://www.nutsonline.com/.

– Really, there’s not much else going on.

So that’s about it, folks. I’ll just try to post more regularly now.

This should be required reading for all conservatives and independents.

I am republishing the piece in full, which ran in today’s Boston Globe.

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THE MITT-AND-RUDY SMACKDOWN
By Jeff Jacoby
The Boston Globe

Sunday, October 14, 2007

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2007/10/14/the_mitt_and_rudy_smackdown/

During an interview at The Boston Globe last week, Senator Hillary Clinton was asked about a vote she had cast in 2005 against raising automobile mileage standards — a vote seemingly at odds with her stand on the issue. She answered that it had been a largely “symbolic” vote: Everyone knew the bill in question “would never pass,” Clinton said, and voting no had allowed her to demonstrate good will toward the Big Three automakers.

It was, I thought, an unexpectedly candid acknowledgment of two things any voter this side of a coma already knows but candidates rarely admit, at least not about themselves: Politics sometimes involves “symbolic” gestures with no meaningful impact; and politicians’ deeds don’t always match their rhetoric. Why can’t candidates drop the pose and acknowledge that more often?

In that connection, consider the increasingly noisy jousting between Republicans Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani over which is the truer fiscal conservative.

At their debate in Dearborn, Mich., last week, the former Massachusetts governor lambasted the former New York mayor for launching the 1997 lawsuit that led the Supreme Court to strike down a federal line-item veto. “I’m in favor of the line-item veto,” Romney said. “I exercised it 844 times. Thank heavens we had a line-item veto.”

Romney’s heavy use of the line-item veto in Massachusetts is one of the mantras of his campaign. In one of his most heavily-aired TV ads, he crows: “I know how to veto. I like vetoes. I’ve vetoed hundreds of spending appropriations as governor.” What he never mentions is how few of those vetoes were sustained. According to the nonpartisan truth squad at FactCheck.org, 707 of Romney’s line-item vetoes — more than 80 percent — were overridden by the overwhelmingly Democratic Massachusetts Legislature, sometimes unanimously. Most of the vetoes he boasts of issuing, in other words, were only — how did Hillary put it? — symbolic. They ended up having almost no impact on state spending. Why does Romney pretend otherwise?

In the Dearborn debate, Giuliani trumpeted one of his favorite mantras, too: “I cut taxes 23 times when I was mayor of New York City. I believe in tax cuts. I believe in being a supply-sider.” It is a claim he makes with great frequency and vigor in his bid to be seen as the most stalwart tax-cutter in the GOP race.

A tax-cutter Giuliani undoubtedly was — but not 23 times. As Factcheck.org documents (using data from New York City’s Independent Budget Office, a publicly funded watchdog agency), at least eight of the tax cuts Giuliani takes credit for were undertaken not by the mayor but by the state government in Albany. Another cut on Giuliani’s list, the repeal of a 12.5 percent income tax surcharge, was spearheaded by the City Council over the mayor’s opposition. Only at the end of 1998 did he accede to the council’ position, after two years of lobbying hard to *extend* the tax — something the influential Club for Growth, which champions lower taxes and limited government, lists among a handful of “glaring flaws” in Giuliani’s mostly “impressive record.”

As the group’s detailed white papers on Romney and Giuliani make clear, both men have generally shown respect for pro-taxpayer, pro-free market values. Both managed to hold spending growth to an average of less than 3 percent a year. Both tended to be voices of fiscal conservatism in liberal, big-spending environments.

But both at times have also strayed well into left field. The Club for Growth notes that Romney balked at signing a no-new-taxes pledge when he ran for governor, refused to endorse the Bush tax cuts in 2003, imposed a raft of fee hikes and tax “loophole” closures once in office, and only recently abandoned his radically anti-First Amendment view of campaign-finance law. Giuliani not only led the fight to kill the line-item veto, he ardently opposed the North American Free Trade Agreement and just as ardently supported the wretched McCain-Feingold law. Both men used to be known as liberal Republicans. Indeed, Giuliani ran for mayor in 1993 with the endorsement of New York’s Liberal Party, and when Romney ran against Ted Kennedy in the 1994 Massachusetts Senate race, I described the contest as “a choice between a real liberal and a watered-down liberal.”

In short, neither man has been a model of conservative ideological purity. And neither is going to become one by belligerently trying to outdo the other in the rhetoric department.

In Garrison Keillor’s fictional town of Lake Woebegone, residents do their shopping at Ralph’s Pretty Good Grocery. In the same spirit, the GOP is going to pick a 2008 presidential nominee from a lineup of pretty good — but decidedly imperfect — conservatives. Realistic Republicans understand that their choices in this campaign don’t include Ronald Reagan or Adam Smith. The Mitt-‘n’-Rudy smackdown is entertaining, but it isn’t going to change that reality.

(Jeff Jacoby is a columnist for The Boston Globe.)

I did forget to mention one of the more interesting parts of my trip down to Atlantic City — the 11-hour or so train ride back.

The train was packed, so there was no chance of getting a seat by myself, which I usually like to do so I can stretch out a little. Actually, I had a little bit of claustrophobia, which is a strange thing for a person who’s used to be agoraphobia. Hehe.

From Philadelphia to Penn Station I sat next to a bright, attractive, energetic young woman (I thought she was 22, she turned out to be 29) who didn’t seem to mind chatting a bit. “Helps pass the time!” she said, which is also the way I feel about it (although I did try not to jabber incessantly at her). Her name was Stacy (with or without an e, I don’t know), and it turns out she does promotional work for the WWE, which I find fascinating. She gave me her email address (no, boys, I am not trying to collect trophy numbers or addresses, she just seemed like a nice person, and I wouldn’t mind chatting with her in the future).

She got off at Penn Station (ah, I remember the days when I got off there, and headed off for extended stays in Manhattan…). Shortly after that, a beautiful and very young girl — 19, I learned — sat down next to me. Sheira, I believe her name was, although I think I’m getting it wrong.

Now, this girl looked a little bit like, and radiated the charming innocence of, my very first girlfriend, so some strange paternalistic instinct in me took over and I began asking her about school and such and warning her about boys. She’s a junior, a math major at Harvard (whoa! numbers have never been my friend), and she’s never had a boyfriend. That floored me. The girl was seriously cute, but obviously didn’t think she was, she frowned at me when she told me that.

If I were her age and going to Harvard with her, you’d have to beat me away from this girl with a stick. Bright, charming, unassuming, pretty in a fragile way — what is wrong with the boys at Harvard, is what I want to know?

We chatted for a long while and then I finally drifted off into iPod zone-outage and she fiddled with her laptop looking for where her new classes were.

So, the train ride was fun, I want to know what promotional work for the WWE is like, and I also want to know what in God’s name is wrong with the boys at Harvard these days to leave a fragile beauty like that second girl all alone! Not that Stacy, the first girl, wasn’t beautiful as well, but she seemed to be a bit more comfortable with the concept of guys than this poor girl did.

Ah well. I hope to at least find out the answer to the WWE question.

…andI’mout…

Well, we had the bachelor party for Nig (see nigam.biz on the sidebar links) down in Atlantic City. I ended up down about $200 on the 21 tables, which isn’t so bad.

We had one night at a “gentleman’s club” that went well, although I won’t go into details. It was also a pleasure to reconnect with the four guys who came in from New York — Dann Mcdorman, Nat Rosen, Andy Mulkerin, and Ed…I forget Ed’s last name, dammit.

Anyway, mission accomplished, and I got back to see the Chargers game. I love people calling the Pats cheaters. Keep it up. It’ll be the best motivational coaching tool Belichick has ever had.

…and fantasy owners of Ladanian Tomlinson, and Jets fans, and the legions of people claiming the Patriots are “cheaters”:

Watch that game from last night again, shut the fuck up, and sit the fuck down.

Okay, okay, so the Patriots appear to be in trouble because they had a cameraman on the Jets sidelines who appeared to be filming defensive coaches’ signals.

First, let’s get a few things straight. The Patriots did not win that game because of those signals. They won that game because they’re a better team. The only thing those signals would possibly help with is down the road when we play the Jets again in…week 15, I believe…at which point the signals will most likely have changed.

Also, it is not illegal to try to capture a player’s signals on the field. Plenty of teams film Peyton Manning, trying to capture his signals. Nobody succeeds.

Now, we were apparently also caught doing this to the Packers last year.

The cameraman who was caught was in blatant Patriots gear, on the Jets sideline. It’s not like he was hidden or anything like that. Which begs a few questions.

First, how could Belichick be so stupid as to do this? Against the Jets and the Packers? Okay, I can see us going after the Chargers or the Colts trying to do this, but the Jets and the Packers? Okay, the Jets are decent, but we could beat the Packers blindfolded with all our players wearing ski-boots full of Jell-O. This is one of the great minds of football, who supposedly wants an edge, and he wastes this on the Jets and the Packers? Something doesn’t smell right. Personally, I think if this was done, it wasn’t Belichick’s idea. I just don’t buy it.

Second, the Patriots are not the only team who try to steal coach’s signals. Every single damn team in the league tries to steal coach’s signals. Face it. Yes, they do. Your favorite team. They try to do it. If they know for sure they can get away with it, oh, you bet they’re going to do it.

So why was this cameraman so blatant? Over-confidence? I don’t believe it.

Okay, so what I’m saying is, there’s something fishy here. Wasting time trying to steal signals from the Jets and the Packers is about as useful as trying to distract Tiger Woods by “thinking really negative” about him.

Did the Patriots do this? Did they try to steal signals? Maybe. If the league confirms it, I’ll believe it. And if they do, they should lose a draft pick or two. Nothing more.

Over at ESPN.com, there is an idiot salivating over this, saying that Belichick himself should be suspended for two games, barred from meetings, the coach’s room, all that, if it turns out to be true. He compares him to Barry Bonds.

Oh, for the love of God, give me a fucking break. You better believe if, say, the Browns had been caught doing it, Mr. Bryant of the above column would be a little more forgiving. The Patriots are coming under more attack than usual because they’re so damn good and a lot of people want to knock them down a peg or two.

Like I said, if confirmed, fine, we take our lumps and lose a draft pick or two. But Belichick as Barry Bonds? Gimme a break. And last time I checked, Barry still officially holds the home run title — no asterisk. And he’s playing. This kind of demagoguery is outrageous.

Now onto serious business. Like how we’re going to face the Chargers and LDT (I will not call Tomlinson LT, there is ONE LT, and his name is Lawrence Taylor).

Let’s clear this stupid tape thing out of the way and get back to the serious business of football. And of the smashing success of my two fantasy teams this week.

And let’s make one other thing clear: punishment or no punishment, the Patriots are one of the best teams in the league — arguably the best team in the NFL — and they are going to the playoffs. Barring Brady getting injured. And they don’t need tapes to help them do it, so whoever’s idea it was to tape signals — they need a good Stooge-slap. Even if it was Belichick.

But in a sport where we consistently pass on players who are caught with guns, or a league that forgives Shawn Merriman his steroid use so quickly — you want to suspend Belichick for taping some signals? Get the stick out of your ass and enjoy the spectacle of Randy Moss beating double coverage to make spectacular touchdowns.

You know, a few years back, I read a story on a study that had shown that inhaling zinc (you can’t just take a zinc pill) lessened cold symptoms, and, more important, cut short the time of your cold by a day or more.

Since then, I’ve always had a bottle of “ZiCam” around. It’s a nasal gel that squirts zinc into your lower nostrils; you leave it there for thirty seconds, blow your nose, and then the zinc gets inhaled over the next few hours.

The idea, as far as I remember, is that zinc ions somehow bond themselves to the rhinovirii (cold germs) in your nose and neutralized them. Now, believe it or not, I’ve actually not had a cold in a good long while, so I’ve never had a chance to test the ZiCam.

I came down with one (a cold) a few days ago. Started in the muscles in my back, moved to my lungs, then developed into a full cold. As soon as I felt the symptoms come on, I launched into using the ZiCam. Now, about three days later, I’m almost completely over the cold. And colds usually last me about three days longer than this.

Could this just be a short cold? Yeah, I guess so, but I am going to go out on a limb and say ZiCam shortened the duration and severity of my symptoms (and yes, like most guys, I “suffer” a bit during colds, but not this time).

So, what the hell, the next time you feel a cold coming on — try it, you might be surprised.

You can also get zinc lozenges that do the same thing. However, remember, simply swallowing zinc does nothing at all.

Another little tip from the Kip.

Here’s a recent email I got. Instead of taking its advice and forwarding to eleven people (I forwarded it to a couple), I’m going to post it on the blog here, with email addresses taken out, of course. Here goes.

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Subject: Fw: Tuesday Sept 9/11

Get your flag ready for 09/11/2007

Please join us in this FLY THE FLAG campaign and PLEASE forward this Email immediately to everyone in your address book asking them to also forward it. We have a little less than one week and counting to get the word out all across this great land and into every community in the United States of America.

If you forward this email to least 11 people and each of those people do the same … you get the idea.

* THE PROGRAM:* On Tuesday September 11th, 2007, an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States. Every individual should make it their duty to display an American flag on this sixth anniversary of our country’s worst tragedy. We do this honor of those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms.

In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn’t take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds

* Action Plan*: So, here’s what we need you to do …
(1) *Forward* this email to everyone you know (at least 11 people). Please don’t be the one to break this chain. Take a moment to think back to how you felt on 9/11 and let those sentiments guide you.
(2) *Fly* an American flag of any size on 9/11. Honestly, Americans should fly the flag year-round, but if you don’t, then at least mak e it a priority on this day.Thank you for your participation. *God Bless You and God Bless America!*

Just a word to the wise. Every now and then you should re-evaluate your friend situation and try cut out any deadwood. I swear. It’s essential for your head. I just cut one away about two or three months ago.

The person in question continually claimed to be a “friend” but was really nothing of the sort; she was a first-class user, a hypocrite in the first degree. I stood back and asked myself, after all you’ve done for her, what the hell has she done for you? And I couldn’t come up with much of anything at all, so I just sent an email that insured she would get the message that I consider her a poseur and that her time as friend is *up*.

It’s been tremendously helpful, it really has. I no longer have to give any thought to this person — who really never gave any thought to me.

I’m not saying you should dump your friends, but yeah, maybe once a year, go through your head and see if there’s any one-sided friendships lingering around, ones where you’re putting in the effort as a friend and getting shafted on the other end.

Anyway, like I said, it’s been great to have this person out of my life. It also frees up space for other, real, friends. So, just, once a year, maybe, ask yourself if there’s anyone who’s on your friend list but who just isn’t acting like a friend at all, and if you feel strongly enough about it, cut the person loose. It’s a tremendous relief of pressure.

And that’s my stupid little thought for the day. 😉

There’s some jackass kid in Boston named Kip Lange. Wicked annoying, too, I ran into him on Facebook after someone mistook his profile for mine and was weirded out by the pictures (I do not Facebook or Myspace in a boat, I do not social network site with a goat).

Worst thing is he’s this gruny hippie-dippy idiotic looking asshole. I’d love to bitchslap him. 😉

There can be only one!