Okay. Let’s put things to rest, here. No pun intended. Bear with the weird list I have to put up, cuz this needs to go first, for the search engines which are going to spider this:
Kip Lang Wellesley High School
Kip Lang Berkeley
Kip Lang dead
Kip Lang suicide
Kip Lange dead
Kip Lange suicide
Kip Lang alive
Kip Lange alive
There. Kip Lang Wellesley High School, Kip Lang Berkeley, all that crap. I’m misspelling my name because a lot of people do that and there may be some people looking for me online, spelling my name wrong, to see if I am DEAD or NOT DEAD. I am not dead.
I got a panicked call from a friend, one Ms. Emily Stifler, who had met a guy I knew from, like Middle School, named Joey D’Agastino. Joey asked Emily if she still talked to anyone from Wellesley, and she said, “Yes, Kip Lange.” Or perhaps “Kip Lang”. I don’t care. Anyway, Joey said, “Oh…I’m sorry to tell you this..but I heard that Kip killed himself.” To which Emily responded, “What? What? I just talked to him about six months ago!” And Joey indicated that apparently I killed myself during the last month or so.
He indicated he got the information from Ian Fitzpatrick, this kid who used to live around the corner from me — his parents still do — who said that his parents told him that I had killed myself a month ago.
Which is interesting, because it’s hard to play MLB 2k7 all day long when you’re dead.
So, to clear this up, you whacko bastards, Kip Lange, or Kip Lang, if you insist on misspelling my name, is not dead. I’m not even depressed! Not in the slightest!
Here’s what’s going on in Kip Lange’s life: I am alive, I am fine, I lost my apartment a couple of years ago, I’ve been crashing with my parents since then, doing freelance contract writing and looking for a job that doesn’t have a lot of pressure, and I am absolutely fine. In fact, I’ve never felt better (although I could stand to lose fifteen pounds or so)!
Nigam Shah is also alive and well, I am in constant contact with him, and Carlos Kase is also alive and well, and I am in constant contact with him.
To repeat: Kip Lange is not dead. Kip Lang is not dead. Christoper “Kip” Lange is not dead. I have not committed suicide. In fact, I’m feeling pretty righteous about things.
Okay. Now I gotta wait for the spiders to pick this up.