Message to Julian Assange

I don’t know if you’ve seen this, but this broke yesterday: Julian Assange is going to run for the Senate in Australia.


CANBERRA, Australia — WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange regards his bid to become an Australian senator as a defense against potential criminal prosecution in the United States and Britain, a news website reported on Monday.

Full story available here:

Here is what I would like to say to Mr. Assange:

Dear Mr. Assange:

Kip Lange here. I’m writing to let you know your fifteen minutes of fame are over. I know you’re not quite fully aware of this yet, but, I am afraid it is so. I understand that there are lots of condoms to poke holes into and many beautiful women to rape in Australia, but I happen to like Australia very much, and have always wanted to go there. In fact, I will be going there as soon as I have the money saved up. So, Sir, I ask you to please do to following: Fuck off. Yes, fuck off. Now fuck off some more. Fuck off a little bit more, yes, that’s good, keep going, keep fucking off. See that cliff edge over there? Go fuck off near it. That’s good. Yes. Keep fucking off. A little bit further…okay…almost there…just fuck off some more…ALMOST THERE…fuck off one more time. AH, there we go! SPLAT!

Thank you for your time and consideration, Mr. Assange.

Christopher “Kip” William Lange

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