Dear Google:
I like you guys. I really do. I was using Google before anyone else I knew, and have used it exclusively since. But lately, I’ve been hanging while doing Google searches on my PC, and all evidence points to it being your problem, and not mine, and I’ve actually had to use Bing two or three times. You get what I’m saying here. Keep it snappy, guys — all the bells and whistles can come later. Take care.
Sincerely,
Random ’70s-born Internet Guy