All Your Base Are Belong To Us — The Kip Lange Homepage

Ah, time for dirty jokes again. This one comes courtesy of hearing the punchline in a RiffTrax short…

A guy’s car breaks down in the middle of town, and he looks for a hotel to stay in while he waits for his car to be fixed. He finds a very small hotel and walks in.

He asks the man at the counter, “Do you have any rooms available?”

The man at the counter says, “Yeah, but don’t stick your dick in the 3 holes.”

“OK.” The guy agrees and walks to his room.

A couple of days go by and his car is still in the shop. He gets curious and sticks his dick in the first hole.

He says, “Ahh,that feels good!” Then he sticks his dick in the second hole, “Ahh,that feels even better!” Then he sticks his dick in the third hole, “OUCH!!My dick!!”

He quickly pulled his dick out and it was all bloody. He was very confused, but he went to sleep.

The next day he went to the counter to see what was in the holes, but before he could ask anything the man at the counter said, “You stuck your dick in the three holes didn’t you?”

He said, “Yeah, how did you know?

“The man at the counter said, “Well, my wife is pregnant, my daughter is pregnant, and my pencil sharpener is broken.”

(The punchline I heard was: “A pencil sharpener in the third hole, ha!”)

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A penguin is driving across the country in his car when the engine overheats and he has to pull over into the nearest garage.

The mechanic greets him and says, “Well, it’s going to take me about an hour to diagnose the problem…”

The penguin replies, “Is there anything to do in this town for an hour?”

After a second, the mechanic replies, “Well, I don’t know if you like ice cream, but there’s an ice cream shop across the street…”

The penguin thanks him and heads off to the ice cream shop. He orders some vanilla ice cream, tries to eat it, but since he has no hands, he ends up with ice cream all over his beak. Just then he looks up at the clock and realizes it’s been over an hour. He rushes back to the garage.

The mechanic immediately says, “Well, looks like you blew a seal, buddy!”

The penguin replies, “No! No way! It’s just a little bit of ice cream! I swear!”

(okay allow a few seconds for the slower of you out there to get it…)

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This country loves watching a train wreck, and there’s no bigger train wreck right now than Charlie Sheen. So, against my better judgment, I am posting a transcript of an interview he did on the Alex Jones radio show recently. Here you go.

———

Alex Jones: You don’t ever wanna go there, you don’t ever wanna defend yourself, but you’ve told me privately most of the stuff, names, it’s not true, but what is going on with the women in your life?

Charlie Sheen: The goddesses? Alex the goddesses, let me just say this about the goddesses, I don’t believe the term is good enough, but when you’re bound by these terrestrial descriptions, you must use the best choice available, right?

Alex Jones: Yes

Charlie Sheen: So if you think about it, dude, it’s like I’m 0 for 3 with marriage, with never an excuse, but like in baseball, the scoreboard doesn’t lie, never has. So what we all have is a marriage of the heart. To sully or contaminate or radically disrespect this union with a shameful contract is something that I will leave to the amateurs and the Bible grippers.

And I just gotta add this cos there was a whole firestorm yesterday about Brooke been a part of our crew and let me just say this, this is all I’m gonna say about it, where there were four, there are now three. Goodbye Brooke good luck in your travels, you’re going to need it, badly.

Alex Jones: So Brooke did go along with you but she’s not there now?

Charlie Sheen: No she’s not there now and we are and, I don’t know, winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning, anyone? That’ll be us. Man, didn’t make the rules. Ooops.

Alex Jones: Charlie, I’ve known you for six and a half years or so and I knew you when you were completely clean and I’ve known you since, but, the point is, now, I’ve never seen you when I was out at your house or talked to you on the phone, so energised as you are now – I mean you’re on fire as nails told the news yesterday. I mean I agree with that description.

Charlie Sheen: As I think it was nails that said, and I’m really really flattered, cos he got it right. I mean he might be nails, but I’m frikin bayonets, you know. I’m battle tested man. I’m tired, I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t perfect and bitchin and just winning every second and I’m not perfect and bitchin and just deliverying the goods at every frikin turn, because, look what I’m dealing with man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls, dealing with soft targets and its just, you know its just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee because I don’t have time for these clowns. I don’t have time for their judgement and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say “I can’t process it” well no you never will stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?

Alex Jones: Wow, well I am speechless. Later we’re going to get into Apocalpse Now, but what comes to mind is when we were there a few weeks ago watching it in your home theatre when Colonel Kurtz is saying “You can kill me, but you don’t have the right to judge me”

Charlie Sheen: Boom, that’s the whole movie, that’s life. That’s life, there’s nobility in that, there’s focus, it’s genuine, it’s crystal and it’s pure and its available to everybody. So just shut your traps and put down your McDonald’s, your magazines, your TMZ and the rest of it and focus on something that matters. But you can’t focus on things that matter if all you’ve been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know. Anyway. We’re getting off topic. We don’t care anymore Alex, we don’t care. Let’s get to the work business because there’s been a lot of speculation, a lot of rumours. Imagine that with the media.

Alex Jones: Well sure, let’s go over that, because when I was there, two weeks ago at your house, you looked great, totally clean, you were working out super hard when I went and worked out with you at that private gym I mean they put you through an incredible workout, you know they’re exercising in the pool, and you’re saying “look, I’m ready to go to work. I’m ready to go right now” and then they add the lie that you don’t have a hernia, well I’ve seen your hernia, I’ve go thte same hernia in my belly button and your hernia was hurt, but again you don’t wanna defend yourself on that and, you know, tell folks the truth about it, but the point is, it seem that there are some people in your life that are trying to demonise you, they’re doing these vanity cards, you know talking about how they’re going to outlive you, it seems pretty darn aggressive.

Charlie Sheen: Yeah I didn’t care about that vanity card. In fact I went right straight home with that one and just dispelled that. And that was actually, you know, one of the few compliments that clown has paid me in freakin almost a decade. But I’m excited to get back to work and not to completely discount what you just talked about, if you bring up these turds, these little [inaudible] losers, there’s no reason to then, you know, bring them back into the fold because I have real fans, they have nothing. They have zero. They have that night and I will forget about them as my last image of them exits my beautiful home. and they will get out there and they will sell me and they will lose. And they will lose the rest of their lives as they think about me and my life the rest of their lives, so, bring me a challenge somebody, becuase, you know, it just ain’t there. Winning.

Alex Jones: But you’re ready to go to work, right now?

Charlie Sheen: Well yeah but I’m tired of being told “well you can’t talk about that and you can’t talk about that” BULL S-H-I-T. Let me just say this, there’s nothing. I just think it’s deplorable that a certain Heim Levine, that’s Chuck’s real name by the way, mistook this rock star for his own selfish exit strategy bro. Check it Alex, I embarassed him in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace that his uninvolved mind cannot process. Ok last I checked Heim, I’ve spent, I think, I don’t know, the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into gold and the gratitude I get is this charlatan chose not to do his job, which is to write. Clearly someone who believes he is above the law. Well, you’ve been warned dude. Bring it.

Alex Jones: Charlie, Everybody that I know that knows you, and I know you well, talks about how, behind the scenes, you give incredible amounts of money to charity, you help people, you give things to everybody, you go out and help firemen and schoolchidren, you are genuinely a nice guy. But you always just let people attack you and lie and the years I’ve known you and the years that people who’ve known you for decades, they say, Charlie is on fire and when he came out of what he’s been in the last seven months, he is not putting up with people trying to push him around anymore, is that fair to say?

Charlie Sheen: It’s yeah, it’s an understatement, you know it’s, I’m sorry man I got magic and I got poetry at my fingertips most of the time and this includes naps. I’m an F-18 and I will destroy you in the air and I will deploy my ordnance to the ground.

Provided by: The Global Herald

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Um, the title of the post pretty much says it all.

The rest of the finalists can be found here:

http://www.policynetwork.net/bastiat-prize/media/ipn-announces-2010-bastiat-prize-finalists

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I really don’t have a lot to say about this game. Except that it’s awful. It’s one of the most poorly-designed games I’ve ever played.

This sequel reunites you with Kane & Lynch, they of the homicidal killing sprees (and Lynch needs his meds), and drops you in Singapore. A terribly rendered Singapore.

The first initial chase sequence tells you pretty much all you need to know about the game. In an attempt to give the game a touch of “cinematic coolness”, the designers have made the screen all warbly when you sprint. Or in general. The graphics are awful.

Oh, the humanity…

The gameplay is awful. It’s awkward, it’s annoying, you can’t focus on what you want to focus on, you can’t aim where you want to aim.

In fact, this game is so awful that I really don’t want to talk about it anymore. That’s a long enough review from me.

Avoid this game at all costs.

I give it a 4.0/10. I’d give it even less, but I kinda like the homicidal maniac thing.

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If you’re an e-cigarette user you may have, at some point, heard about “dripping” or “drysmoking” your e-cig. I’ve tried it, and I have to say, I’m fairly impressed with the results.

It’s simple to do, but first make sure you have a sealed battery on your e-cig, or this could ruin your batteries. Also, if you admit to drysmoking the thing, you’re going to lose your warranty if you have one, so never admit to having actually done it if you return your e-cig. Anyway, the importance of the sealed battery cannot be overstated. Just look at the end of it, where it plugs into the vaporizer. Either there will be a hole there, open to the interior of the battery — every automatic battery I know of uses an open battery, including Blu e-cigs — or it will be closed off. The Joye 510 is usually closed off, meaning no liquid can get from the atomizer into the battery and totally wreck it.

Now, this step is optional, but if you really want to drysmoke/drip, you should do it. Take a cartridge and remove the batting from it. That’s the white cottony stuff inside that holds the E-juice. You just want to have a mouthpiece, and that’s all.

You can keep the batting if you want (I did), and still drysmoke, but the results may not be as spectacular as if you remove the batting.

Finally, here’s the key part — take the atomizer, turn it upside down, and drip one or two drops of E-juice directly on the atomizer.

Then pop the empty (or full) cartridge on and start vaping. You’ll be surprised at how much more vapor you get, and also how long the couple of drops last on the atomizer (for me, they lasted even longer than a full cartridge sometimes lasts).

You can read more about dripping/drysmoking here.

Happy vaping!

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Alright, this ain’t the world’s BEST joke, but it ain’t the world’s WORST, either.

You hear that BP has figured out a way to deal with the oil leak?

They’re going to lower a giant wedding band on top of it; they figure it’ll immediately stop putting out.

<rimshot>

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You may have noticed, I’ve been polishing up the blog a little. I’ve overhauled the sidebar as well as adding a rating system for posts and comments.

I’m particularly fond of the rating system. Hopefully it will help people get to the better parts of kiplange.com without thinking too much.

Kip over and out.

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Guess what? You’re not going to get away with posting a spam comment on my site. Because I have to approve the comment before it goes up.

So stop spamming gambling and Cialis crap on here, will you?

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Well, my vials of liquid nicotine — “E-juice” — came, and I experimented with refilling my Blu cigarette cartridges with it. And it in fact works.

FIRST, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: NICOTINE IS A POISON. DO NOT FUCK AROUND WITH IT, DO NOT SWALLOW IT, ETC. I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS IF YOUR ARE DUMB AROUND LIQUID NICOTINE. TRY TO WEAR GLOVES, AS NICOTINE IS HIGHLY TRANSDERMAL.

Now, with that out of the way, you can, if you wish, attempt to refill your Blu cartridges by following the step-by-step directions in the middle of the following thread:

http://www.ecigarettes365.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=69

Happy vaping and good luck.

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