So here I am, thinking to myself, it’s been ten years since you last did…anything…with a woman. On purpose. I did this for several reasons. First, I had a couple that got away. Two, exactly, if I’m counting right. Yeah, two. On different continents. LOL. Anyway. I figured, shrug, what’s the use playing the game. It’s just frustrating. There’s no point to it. It’s complicating your life. Screw it. Plus, you’re overweight, unemployed, you live with your parents, and you have terrible teeth. What woman could possibly resist you? Hehe. I just got tired of the shit. Really did. Plus, due to my condition, I’m kind of a shut-in. I mean, you’d never know it if you met me; I’m very charming and gregarious. Or I at least try to be. Especially since I kicked the booze out of my life.
Anyway, a few months ago, I decided it was time to change my eating habits a little. I had put on a TON of weight because they had me on lithium after the thing ten years ago, and it did absolutely nothing for me except zonk me out — and add weight. Tons of it. 75 lbs, to be precise. Now, it works for a lot of people, so don’t let me turn you off on lithium, okay? Everyone who has problems such as these needs a different combination of pills. It’s merely a chemical imbalance in your brain. You’re not weird, okay? You’re not “crazy”. You just have a chemical imbalance in your brain. Let the imbalance get too far, and you go crazy, yes. And that happened to me. And it took a long time to put myself back together. I’m still doing it. That’s the other thing. I don’t want to burden a woman with someone like me. You know? Moody. Chemically imbalanced. Still smoking, although I’m using almost exclusively a vaporizer now. And the thing is — see my post on playing chess with life — if I’m going to be with a woman, I have to be absolutely ready, because I do NOT plan on divorce. Or leaving her, if she’s not into marriage, once we have a kid. Period. End paragraph. I’m old fashioned. I’m a conservative (conservatrarian). Right. Rambling here. Point is, after I started eating healthier (hey, here’s a trick — diet green tea), without really trying, I dropped 55 pounds. I’m looking really slim again. And I’ve met a couple of interesting women. I don’t know. I feel like there’s a change in the air. I mean, I know I’m relatively good looking, and now that the weight is gone…and I’m almost down to back where I was in college…use it while you got it, right?
Sigh. I don’t know. It’s just that I don’t really give a shit about the whole deal. I dunno. I’m relatively happy now. Do I need to complicate my life with another woman? Because all I’ve gotten is trouble and hurt. Except for a couple of ‘em. But most of ‘em just ended up sticking it to me in the end. Yeah. You know who you are. Pffffft. Some of you didn’t, and I appreciate that, I do. But you’re all very complicated and you’re all looking to change me, and look, I’m not going to change, okay? This is me. This is what you get. Period. It ain’t gonna change.
Plus, there’s all the games. Look, women, I don’t make the first move. Learn it. I don’t. Period. If you’re a woman and I’m even talking to you, it means I have a tremendous amount of respect for you. Because most of them, I just can’t be bothered with. So just tell me I’m cute, come over, make it clear. ‘kay? No screwing around. No testing me. No waiting for me to make the move. You want me, go for it. Cuz I just do NOT want to play that game. Maybe I’ll go out and fuck with women for a change. Play games with *them*. Lead them on, then just drop them cold. Totally screw with their heads. That would be kinda cool. Getting them back at their own game.
Dunno. Weighing it all. The whole 99 Problems pull is very strong, though. I don’t want to be manipulated. Really. I hate that. I like the fact that without a woman in my life, things are much simpler. And an object at rest tends to stay at rest.
Ah, screw this. I’ll think about it later. I’m going back to Dead Space 3.